Our Hospice at Home service supported Barry, a real practical joker and family man, in the comfort of his Chapel-en-le-Frith home during the last 11 months of his life before he sadly died of heart failure in May 2023.
Barry, who very proudly had six children, 18 grandchildren and 18 great-grandchildren, first went into hospital in December 2019 where he waited almost 10 weeks for double heart bypass surgery.
Mary, Barry’s beloved wife of 63 years, and Claire, his granddaughter, explain more about how Blythe House and Helen’s Trust came to support the whole family.
Claire explained: ‘After Grandad underwent the intensive double heart bypass operation in February 2020, his and Nana’s son, my uncle, sadly died from a heart attack in March, and then Covid-19 hit. I think that was the start of the downfall for Grandad; all of those factors had a big detriment to his health, and he never really fully recovered.
‘Grandad spent a lot of time in and out of hospital during the winter, but on one particular occasion he phoned me, and he was genuinely scared. He said “I don’t ever want to come into hospital again.” I contacted Grandad’s local GP practice, Thornbrook Surgery, and Trish Longden, community matron, came to see Nana and Grandad at home. Nana had been supporting Grandad to get up out of bed, washed and dressed for over six months; I don’t think people realised everything that she was doing.
‘Trish referred us to Blythe House, and Jude, Hospice at Home manager, came around to do an initial assessment. In an awful but humorous turn of events, Grandad had fallen over the night before and split his head open. Jude helped Nana to get the blood out of the cream carpet! Nana said it was one of those days she’d never forget!’
Barry and Mary
Mary said: ‘The Hospice at Home team started to support Barry at home in May 2022 with a daily call in a morning to help him to get up, washed and dressed. This allowed me the opportunity to run some errands, nip to the shop for some fresh bread and milk, or just have some time to myself. Later, the team also visited for longer on a Tuesday afternoon so that I could really rest and relax for a few hours each week.
‘The healthcare assistants became extended members of our family; we loved chatting to them and they loved Barry. It was the highlight of his day, chatting to someone different about his life, memories or holidays. You never walked passed the bathroom without hearing the sound of laughter. They weren’t just getting their job done; they were here to care. They were so brilliant and went beyond the call of duty.
‘Barry was very embarrassed and a very private person; he didn’t want carers or any extra support other that family, but the healthcare assistants cared for him in a way that maintained his privacy and dignity. He was very particular and liked to have a shave and a wash in a certain way, and they respected his wishes and were always so caring.’
Claire continued: ‘Miriam and Angela, the hospice occupational therapy and physiotherapy team, came around to see how they could support Grandad. They provided us with a wheelchair which was really imperative to Grandad. It meant that we could safely get Grandad out of the house to take him to the shops or even just for a little drive to get out for some fresh air. That was really so important to him; he’d sat through Covid-19 not being allowed to leave his house, and now he was allowed out again, his health had deteriorated. Miriam and Angela also provided other equipment including a vehicle transfer handle so he could get in and out of the car safely; a commode and shower equipment.
‘In November, Grandad’s brother, Charlie was dying at home and Grandad desperately wanted to go and see him. Using the equipment provided, I was able to safely get Grandad to his brother’s bedside to say a final goodbye to him. This was a lynchpin moment for Grandad and he realised how peaceful Charlie was at home, surrounded by his family. This cemented Grandad’s decision that he wanted to be at home with his loved ones too.
‘In January 2023, it was arranged that Grandad could have some holistic massage at home, provided by Mo, one of the complementary therapists at the hospice. Grandad had a huge build up of fluid in his legs because of his heart condition, and the massage made him feel so much better; he really looked forward to Mo’s visits and they made a huge difference to his quality of life.
Claire and her Grandad
‘On the 19th April, Grandad had a hypoglycaemic attack and he ended up going into hospital by ambulance. He was discharged six hours later, but he was adamant that he didn’t want to go back into hospital under any circumstance. When he came home, Trish Longden visited us again and took Grandad’s observations. She said we might want to rally the family to come and say their final goodbyes. Everyone came, and as sad as the occasion was, the house was filled with laughter and joking. We all ordered fish and chips for supper – and the kettle never stopped boiling! The next day I very much expected to walk in and hear the inevitable news, but I was shocked to see Grandad sat up in bed! He said he’d seen the Grim Reaper last night but he still had a few jobs left to do.
‘The Hospice at Home team stepped up to offering three or four night-sits per week, and as a family, we supported Nana and Grandad on the other nights. These last few weeks enabled us to have the opportunity to have important conversations with Grandad, including about his funeral wishes, and where he’d like his cremation ashes to be scattered. He told us that the fun and laughter that had filled the house had kept him going.
‘Grandad died peacefully at home on Monday 8th May 2023, just before 5pm. His colour and his breathing changed; so, we all sat around his bed and held hands. It was heart-breaking, of course it was, but it was so peaceful and full of love. Grandad knew what he wanted and how he wanted it to be; he knew he wanted to die at home, and be able to be with all his family in his own surroundings. Family was what it was all about for Grandad. He still wore his smile, right ‘til the very end.’
Mary said: ‘Barry had always been an avid supporter of the hospice. For his 80th birthday, he said he had everything he wished for in life so he asked everyone for contributions to the hospice at his celebratory afternoon tea.
‘Blythe House gave me the skills and the strength to continue to care for Barry at the end of his life. I had the support and reassurance to know that they’d got eyes on him as well as me, and I knew they’d make decisions that were right for him.
‘When our son, died in March 2020, this made Barry more determined that ever to die at home; he didn’t want to be in hospital for himself, or for me to receive a call that he’d died on his own.’
Claire added: ‘The hospice gave Nana such peace of mind; she felt so confident that everything they were doing was exactly right for Grandad and if he wasn’t 100%, or they had any worries, she knew they’d escalate their concerns. She was able to sleep well because she knew they’d wake her if anything was wrong; she felt so assured and at peace. Even though we’re a big family, I can imagine it is an incredibly lonely journey watching the person you’ve spent nearly your whole life with as they’re so poorly and then as they’re dying, but the hospice helped Nana to emotionally deal with the day to day of what was happening.’
