Family man, Dennis Cooper was a ‘practical joker’ and had a real ‘zest for life.’ He was truly adored by Nancy, his loving wife of very nearly 70 years, his six children, 17 grandchildren and 20 great grandchildren.
Our Hospice at Home service started to provide care and support to Dennis in September 2021 in the comfort of his home in Hope, after a long spell of time spent in hospital due to a variety of complications following treatment to remove several gallstones that he had retained in his bile duct.
Whilst he was unwell, alongside his devoted family, Dennis was helping to organise a fundraising event for the hospice to thank the team for all its support.
The family fun day was due to take place in September 2022 for Dennis’s 91st birthday, but incredibly sadly, Dennis died on 12th June, just a few short months before he was due to celebrate the big day, and 70 years of marriage to Nancy in October.
Dennis’s family continued to organise the fun day, and it went ahead as planned in Dennis’s memory at Hope Works Social Club (at Breedon’s Hope Valley Cement Works) in August, raising a staggering £6,494 for local hospice services.
Here, Nancy, and two of Dennis’s daughters, Christine, and Dawn, explain more about their ‘determined’ and beloved husband and dad, and how the hospice supported their family…
Christine said: ‘Dad was Mum’s primary carer and looked after all the housework including cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, gardening, and food shopping. He was very active for his age and was never keen on being in hospital.
‘Dad had undergone surgery to have his gallbladder removed, but in August 2021, he started to have very severe stomach pain. He underwent tests at Chesterfield Royal Hospital which found that he had a few gallstones on his bile duct. The surgeon suggested a procedure that would effectively blow the gallstones out, which carried a 2% risk.
‘Dad underwent the procedure but unfortunately it didn’t quite work out and the treatment caused aggravation to his pancreas and further complications. Doctors didn’t discover this issue for several days, and it meant that sadly Dad, who hated hospitals, spent nine weeks in hospital.’
Dawn said: ‘During this time, Dad totally lost his appetite, suffered from sickness and diarrhoea, and he was picking up all sorts of infections. He was incredibly vulnerable; hallucinating at times and even fell out of bed at one point as he thought it was on fire. He had a catheter, but it was prone to infections which left him in a lot of pain. Dad was so frightened; he was ringing us in the middle of the night, begging us to take him home.
‘Dad’s condition was improving but he was still very unwell; he had lost about two stone in weight at this point; however, we were finally allowed to bring him home. We had no training or support on how to care for Dad; we were all just taking it in turns and doing our very best. Sometimes, he would literally be screaming in pain because of his catheter; we really needed support.
Nancy said, ‘As soon as Dennis had returned home, my children and their partners had set up a rota between themselves to care for him during the day and overnight, taking it in turns to look after him, which they found both stressful and very emotionally draining’.
Christine continues ’Dad was supposed to receive a 6-week care package but unfortunately that never happened. One evening when Dad was ill, we had to ring 111. The nurse that attended was so good. She could see how exhausted and anguished we all were and said she would contact Blythe House and Helen’s Trust, to try and arrange some help. This was the start of our relationship with the hospice. They gave us support for two hours per day, which enabled us to go home and sleep, or take Mum out for a break.
‘Our GP, Dr Pelc from Hope Surgery, later applied for funding which then resulted in extra hours. The Hospice at Home team started providing two full nights of care per week and two hours during each day. Every single one of the team was brilliant; it was a huge relief to have their support, and they became our friends.’
Christine said: ‘The team took us from virtually breaking point to us being able to function at a more acceptable level. They would have a brew, a chat, encourage and support Dad to wash and sometimes take a shower, and supporting my Mum too, who had recently had a hip replacement. Dad was a very proud and private man; he was very determined, and he wasn’t a quitter – he had a lot of willpower. The healthcare assistants (HCAs) cared for him a way that helped him to maintain his dignity. Through chatting to the HCAs, Dad discovered that he used to work with one of their dads at Ferodo in Chapel-en-le-Frith, so they had lovely, long conversations about that shared interest.’
Dawn explained: ‘Dad sadly continued to get chest infections, and infections to his catheter. He became weaker and was put on steroids as he wasn’t eating, but they gave him the “munchies” and we’d find him sneaking out of bed to get chocolate from the kitchen! We managed to get him out and about a bit, including visiting the Chatsworth farm shop and visiting family at Christmas.
‘Dad had spent his 90th birthday in 2021 in hospital, and although the staff made it nice for him by decorating his bedside, it wasn’t the same as being at home. So, we decided that for his 91st birthday, we’d organise a party and a fundraiser for the hospice. It was a good focus for Dad and a really good motivator. His main concern was raising the money and he kept saying: “What are going to do if we don’t raise enough money!”
‘Dad’s health continued to deteriorate so instead of waiting for his birthday, we decided to bring the event forward to August 2022. My brother runs the catering department at the social club, so we decided to host it there, and had plans for live music and games. We’d made all the old-fashioned games ourselves and Mum would come and watch us making them.
‘Later, Dad contracted another chest infection and was taken into Stepping Hill Hospital. Tests whilst he was in hospital confirmed that he had cysts all over his liver. He was begging us again to get him home, but sadly he caught Covid-19 and he had to be transferred to a Covid ward. He said: “I’ll be walking home if you don’t take me!” He didn’t want to die but he wasn’t afraid of dying. At this point, he said he’d had enough, and we knew he wasn’t going to get better.
‘We managed to get Dad home and he was given end of life medication. The Hospice at Home team stepped in again to support Dad and us all as a family. Dad died on 12th June 2022 in the comfort of his beloved home. We were all there with him. He died as peacefully as he could’ve been, he went to sleep and didn’t wake up. He had a good life, including lovely cruises with my Mum to the Caribbean, (despite never wanting to go but loving them!), and holidays to St Ives in their caravan. They also shared a passion for ballroom dancing and won many awards back in their day.’
Christine said: ‘It’s hard to put into words what the care from the Hospice at Home team meant to us as a family. It enabled Dad to stay at home, where he wanted to be. He used to beg us: “Don’t let me go into a nursing home or into hospital.” The healthcare assistants saw us at our best and worst times; they’d often find us crying at the kitchen table, and they’d say: “Don’t you worry, you have a good cry!” We missed them a lot after Dad’s death. We tell everyone we know about the service and what it did for us.’
Dawn added: ‘If we’d have carried on caring for Dad the way we were doing, whilst supporting Mum too, it would’ve been a risk to our health – it was physically and mentally draining. We couldn’t have kept going, but the trouble is you don’t know how long you’ve got to keep going. The hospice has offered bereavement support to Mum following Dad’s death.
‘The fundraising day was a huge success, and we are so proud to have raised such a fantastic sum of money for the hospice. Organising the event protected us and helped us to get through Dad’s death.’
