Blythe House supported Ben’s dad, Cheslie to die at home in Chapel-en-le-Frith just a matter of months after he was tragically diagnosed with oesophageal cancer in March 2023.
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Ches with Ben, and daughter, Claudia
Cheslie, or Ches as he was known, had only moved to the town in January to be closer to his son and daughter, Ben and Claudia, after living in Wales for over two decades. Soon after, he developed a cough which got worse and worse; and he ended up in hospital with aspiration pneumonia. Only a few weeks later, Ches received his diagnosis and was told that treatment was not a realistic option.
Ben, who also lives in Chapel-en-le-Frith, explained: ‘Given my Dad has never been the healthiest of individuals, we always knew that he was here for a good time and not a long time. As a result, we already had our heads some way around his mortality. It was, however, still quite overwhelming for all of us to hear the diagnosis.
‘The pressure of wanting to make this the best end possible was what weighed really heavily on us. We saw being able to be by his side as a huge privilege; but we had no idea of what we were facing, what help there was or what we could reasonably expect or achieve. The unknown was scary.
‘Dad’s specialist at hospital referred us to Blythe House. In a strange turn of events, I had only heard about Blythe House and Helen’s Trust through a lady I was supporting during the Covid-19 pandemic. I was doing her shopping for her whilst she was isolating, and one particular week, she asked me to pick up a copy of the Buxton Advertiser as her niece, Vicci was on the front cover [Vicci, who has now retired, was our community volunteer manager at the hospice].
‘So, when Louise Furmston [community engagement lead nurse] called me and asked if we wanted to have a chat, the answer was a resounding “hell, yes please!” Since my first meeting with Louise, the team at Blythe House have been nothing short of outstanding. I will never be able to put into words exactly the gratitude Dad, my family and myself feel towards the staff at Blythe House – but it is immense.
Ches’ last trip to Angelsey
‘When you’re thrust into this unknown and quite frankly, scary place the NHS can feel like a huge juggernaut of people calling you and offering things. I had no idea who people were or what they did, and felt the pressure of not wanting to make a mistake. Louise took the time to go through who everyone was; explaining how they would help us and what their job role was. That practical guidance was invaluable and helped us feel more in control.
‘As well as Louise’s support, she referred Dad to Miriam and Angela, the hospice’s occupational therapy and physiotherapy team. They came out to visit us at home, and I’d say “I don’t know what we need, but we’re struggling with this…” and a piece of equipment would turn up shortly afterwards to help us manage. There were things we didn’t even realise we needed, but were actually brilliant.
‘The support my sister and I got as his main carers was also incredible. Again, it wasn’t just the vast knowledge and expertise that everyone has, but it was the practical “human” stuff that makes the real difference. When we took Dad away to Angelsey for a few days when he got out of hospital, which was one of his dying wishes, having someone say “don’t waste his energy on a shower – just enjoy it” is the best guidance. That advice enabled us to squeeze out every ounce of enjoyment we could, while we could.
‘We also enjoyed a day out at Peak Wildlife Park as Dad wanted to see red squirrels for the last time; and I took him for a pint to celebrate the King’s Coronation, literally a week before he died. These things happened because knowing Blythe House were on the end of the phone empowered us. It gave us the confidence and the freedom to know we could make Dad’s last few weeks memorable; and if things went pear-shaped, they had our backs.
A final pint
‘The Hospice at Home team were also involved; providing day and night-time sits so that Claudia and I had the capacity to keep popping our head up above the parapet of Dad’s bubble, so that we could rest and spend time with our families.
‘Everybody really went above and beyond to ensure that Dad could die at home, as he wished, with real dignity. When things went wrong, and they do, everyone around you seems to give you different advice about what to do. A chat with Blythe House helped us to make sense of what was going on and empowered us to make our own informed decisions about Dad’s care. As a result, he could stay safely at home and we had the confidence to keep doing what we were doing.
‘What we think makes everyone at Blythe House so special, is that everyone we met genuinely cared and made this a very human experience. We looked forward to their visits. We had fond nicknames for many of the team members, for the advice, support, humour, care and anecdotal tales that they brought to our lives, including WikiPenia for Penny [Ellis, Hospice at Home deputy manager], Hey Jude [Webster, Hospice at Home manager], Danihesive for Danie [Gartside, Hospice at Home administrator] and not forgetting the healthcare assistants including Deck Chair Mary and Las Vegas Helen!
‘Each member of the Hospice at Home team brought energy, humour and life into Dad’s flat with them – and that energy stayed long after the visit had finished. The personal care and stuff is essential, particularly at the start when we were floundering, but we grew to realise that the humanity, humility and personality was what we valued most.
With granddaughters, Elodie and Evalyn
‘It was very apt that as Dad died, he had myself and my sister holding his hands while someone from Blythe House was holding our hands through it.
‘Dad was a huge part of our lives, and I do not want to underplay how hard this has been. Cancer plays with your head and then punches you in heart, and Dad faced a very tough time with bravery, dignity and humour. He was immense.
‘One of the last conversations I had with Dad though was that Blythe House made death not just bearable, but memorable. In the face of huge sadness, Blythe House reminds you that there are amazing people in this world – and the compassion, humour and support you have all shown has had a profound impact.’
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