‘I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up – I genuinely don’t think I’d be here if it wasn’t for Blythe House.’
After trying to call the hospice six times but always hanging up before someone answered, Ann was brave enough to allow her call to be picked up in January 2023.
Ann, who lived in Buxton, had been ‘struggling for months, crying all the time and feeling really low’ after being diagnosed with nasal cancer in November 2021, and facing several other health issues that followed.
Someone at Citizen’s Advice, followed by Ann’s GP, advised her to get in touch with the hospice.
Ann said: ‘It took six times to finally pluck up the courage to let my call ring through to the hospice. I wasn’t suicidal, but I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. I have never felt like that before in my life, and I never want to again.
‘It all started a few years earlier. Every couple of days when I blew my nose, a scab would come out of my nostril. I was undergoing tests through the ear, nose and throat department at Macclesfield Hospital, and had a scan on my lungs. I was sent for a biopsy and was diagnosed with rare nasal cancer. It felt like a blow like no other being told that I had cancer.
‘I was transferred to The Christie Hospital for surgery in January 2022. The surgery was a success, and the surgeon was absolutely fantastic. But afterwards, I started to get a very severe pain in my eye. I spent 10 days in Leighton Hospital in Crewe with acute angle-closure glaucoma.
‘I recovered from my eye condition and was undergoing check ups for the nasal cancer every two months. At one of my check ups in February 2023, the test showed abnormal cells and I was sent for a biopsy. Alongside this, I was having tests for a lump in my breast [I’ve since found out that this is not cancerous, but I am on a waiting list for surgery to remove it.] It felt like one thing after another, and I convinced myself that the cancer had returned.
‘I lost both my parents very young to cancer. My Mum died on her 49th birthday when I was just 19 and I convinced myself that this was going to happen to me. Back then, I didn’t understand what Mum had gone through and all the things she must’ve shielded me from and how frightened she must have been. I felt an incredible weight of guilt for feeling the way that I did; I was falling apart but I should’ve been so thankful that my situation wasn’t worse. I’d see people at The Christie in much worse situations that me and I’d feel so guilty for feeling so low. When you’re going through cancer treatment, you somehow manage to cope and survive because you must, but it’s when it’s all over that it hits you.
‘The last 12 months had been mentally horrendous, and I knew I needed help to feel better. I wish I had rung the hospice earlier, but I was building up the courage. I was referred to Louise [community engagement lead nurse] and cannot put into words what her support meant to me. I can’t say enough about her; she’s the one that has got me through. I don’t know what it is about her; her voice or her manner, but there is genuinely something special about her.
‘Having tough conversations brought back memories from my childhood that were hard to face. It’s hard to go through these situations and face things that you didn’t realise you had to face, but I wanted to do everything in my power to feel better. I was referred to have reflexology with Kate which I found so calming. I suffer from tremors, and Kate helped me to feel relaxed, rested and supported. I also found counselling with Hannah incredibly helpful.
‘Getting back to “normal” hasn’t been easy, but thanks to Blythe House I have been able to do so. I am in a much better place now. I still have days when I feel down and have a wobble, but the coping skills I learnt from the hospice help me so much; I recognise my feelings, what’s happening, and I know what I need to do now to manage them. I find great comfort listening to audio books and still listen to a CD on breathing techniques that Hannah gave to me. I am looking forward to the summer when I can get out into the garden more; it’s my happy place with my dogs.
‘I don’t think anyone at Blythe House realises the true impact that they have on people. I genuinely don’t think I’d be here if it wasn’t for Blythe House; it saved my life. The service has been absolutely phenomenal.’
Find out more about hospice services that could support you or a loved one.
