When Brenda Poulson worked at Blythe House for more than a decade, she never realised than nearly 10 years later, her own family would use the services here.
Brenda, from Whaley Bridge, said that when she came for her interview at the hospice, it was like a ‘huge hug’ whilst she waited in reception. She worked as a healthcare assistant in the hospice’s day services and offered complementary therapies including Indian head massage, reflexology and reiki, before she retired in 2013.
Later, the hospice supported Brenda’s husband of 50 years, Harry following his diagnosis with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and emphysema, and offered counselling support to Brenda after Harry sadly died in October 2022.
Brenda explained: ‘Harry was poorly for a long time; he was referred to Dr Sarah Parnacott [consultant in palliative medicine at Chesterfield Royal Hospital, providing palliative care to patients across the High Peak and surrounding communities], and his breathing became progressively worse over the years before he required 24-hour oxygen.
‘Dr Parnacott knew me and my family, from my time working at the hospice. She always looked out for us and referred us to the Hospice at Home service to allow me some respite time to rest, or go out and meet a friend for a coffee.
‘When Harry died, I withdrew and just wanted to be on my own, with my memories. I didn’t want anyone to visit or to support me. One day, I saw Dr Parnacott when I was out, and she asked me how I was getting on. She said: “you know where we are if you need us.” My dear friend’s husband died three months before Harry, so I’d seen it all happen. Sometimes grief can take a while before it really hits home.
Harry
‘I went to the doctors and explained how I felt; they suggested anti-depressants, but I really didn’t want to take these. They offered to refer me to counselling at the hospice and I met Lisa, my counsellor. She was brilliant. To be on the receiving side was to experience the special feelings that come with being in a supportive environment.
‘When something like this happens, I don’t think you understand the grieving process and what happens; you don’t think normal things. Lisa explained the process of grief and bereavement; she really understood me, and there were only two occasions when I didn’t cry, but I felt so at ease with Lisa.
‘I was anxious and stressed out; I had upcoming knee replacement surgery in the back of my mind as well as processing the grief of Harry’s death, and Lisa talked me through relaxation techniques.
‘Lisa encouraged me to be brave and do things on my own; I have slowly started to take her advice and have been out for a coffee and for lunch on my own. I’ve also met friends, and started to go away on holidays with my friend whose husband died. I always came away from my counselling sessions with ideas and was able to start enjoying my hobby of arts and crafts again.
‘The feeling that you can relax and have no fear of opening up your inner most thoughts, because you know you are in a safe, caring place with someone who cares and can see that you are hurting inside, makes so much difference.
‘The whole package helped so much; everyone says I look so much better; brighter. I hate to think where I’d be without counselling from the hospice. I don’t think I would’ve got over Harry’s death as well as I have done. I needed someone to spell it out and explain that I wasn’t odd because I felt this way, or that way. I am so grateful to have been able to access this support. I still cry sometimes but that’s how it will be, but now I can understand and deal with it on my own thanks to Lisa.’
Find out more about our counselling and bereavement service.
