When Brenda Poulson worked at Blythe House for more than a decade, she never realised than nearly 10 years later, her own family would use the services here.

Brenda, from Whaley Bridge, said that when she came for her interview at the hospice, it was like a ‘huge hug’ whilst she waited in reception. She worked as a healthcare assistant in the hospice’s day services and offered complementary therapies including Indian head massage, reflexology and reiki, before she retired in 2013.

Later, the hospice supported Brenda’s husband of 50 years, Harry following his diagnosis with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and emphysema, and offered counselling support to Brenda after Harry sadly died in October 2022.

Brenda explained: ‘Harry was poorly for a long time; he was referred to Dr Sarah Parnacott [consultant in palliative medicine at Chesterfield Royal Hospital, providing palliative care to patients across the High Peak and surrounding communities], and his breathing became progressively worse over the years before he required 24-hour oxygen.

‘Dr Parnacott knew me and my family, from my time working at the hospice. She always looked out for us and referred us to the Hospice at Home service to allow me some respite time to rest, or go out and meet a friend for a coffee.

‘When Harry died, I withdrew and just wanted to be on my own, with my memories. I didn’t want anyone to visit or to support me. One day, I saw Dr Parnacott when I was out, and she asked me how I was getting on. She said: “you know where we are if you need us.” My dear friend’s husband died three months before Harry, so I’d seen it all happen. Sometimes grief can take a while before it really hits home.

Harry

‘I went to the doctors and explained how I felt; they suggested anti-depressants, but I really didn’t want to take these. They offered to refer me to counselling at the hospice and I met Lisa, my counsellor. She was brilliant. To be on the receiving side was to experience the special feelings that come with being in a supportive environment.

‘When something like this happens, I don’t think you understand the grieving process and what happens; you don’t think normal things. Lisa explained the process of grief and bereavement; she really understood me, and there were only two occasions when I didn’t cry, but I felt so at ease with Lisa.

‘I was anxious and stressed out; I had upcoming knee replacement surgery in the back of my mind as well as processing the grief of Harry’s death, and Lisa talked me through relaxation techniques.

‘Lisa encouraged me to be brave and do things on my own; I have slowly started to take her advice and have been out for a coffee and for lunch on my own. I’ve also met friends, and started to go away on holidays with my friend whose husband died. I always came away from my counselling sessions with ideas and was able to start enjoying my hobby of arts and crafts again.

‘The feeling that you can relax and have no fear of opening up your inner most thoughts, because you know you are in a safe, caring place with someone who cares and can see that you are hurting inside, makes so much difference.

‘The whole package helped so much; everyone says I look so much better; brighter. I hate to think where I’d be without counselling from the hospice. I don’t think I would’ve got over Harry’s death as well as I have done. I needed someone to spell it out and explain that I wasn’t odd because I felt this way, or that way. I am so grateful to have been able to access this support. I still cry sometimes but that’s how it will be, but now I can understand and deal with it on my own thanks to Lisa.’

Find out more about our counselling and bereavement service.

Share your hospice story.

Laura from Buxton is taking part in our Jingle Bell Jog on Sunday 3rd December in memory of her beloved Poppop, and dear friend, Lynne.

Laura explains: ‘I first took part in 2018; I missed taking part in 2019 but came along to the event to cheer on Lovely Lynne who did it with friends and family. I haven’t missed a year since and it was really wonderful to take part alongside my daughter in 2022. Last year was the second year running that a group of us came together to form what we’ve called “Lynne’s Army.”

‘When I first took part in 2018 it was in memory of my Poppop – David Vaines. He sadly passed away in 2017 after battling with Leukaemia for a number of years. We found out in October 2017 that there was nothing more that could be done for him and he came home from hospital to spend the remainder of his time with family. It was thanks to the Hospice at Home team from Blythe House that Poppop was able to remain at home during his final days. This meant so much to our family as it really eased some of the stresses that would have been if we’d had to travel to hospital to visit him. The team that supported Poppop enabled him to die with dignity and that is something that we will forever be grateful for. The support offered extended beyond this and they weren’t just there for him but also all of us.

‘In 2019, Lovely Lynne took part in the Jingle Bell Jog, after her own battles with cancer she always did whatever she could to support Blythe House with a number of different fundraising projects. It brought tears to our eyes as we watched her son Alex cross the finish line and run back to find his mum and complete the race again by her side. In 2021, Lynne’s Army was formed by her family and close friend, Alice, and unsurprisingly there were lots of people keen to join the team in support of Lynne.

‘On the day Lynne passed away she was messaging me about the Just Giving page that they were setting up in advance of the Jingle Bell Jog; I still have our messages and she said “Alex and Alice are thinking we call it Lynne’s Army?!!? What do you think?! I feel like I’ve got an army behind me for sure.”

‘Lynne didn’t get to see us all rally together that year but we bossed it for her and we did that again in 2022 and that’s exactly what we are going to do again this year. Each year I’ve made some signs for us to wear featuring Lynne’s beautiful face and a sunflower; she loved sunflowers and they definitely remind us of her and the sunshiny positive outlook she had on life.

‘I think it’s impossible to find a reason why you wouldn’t want to support the hospice. The experience we had personally for our Poppop will never leave us and I would do anything to help raise money so other people can continue to receive such amazing care and support at what can only be described as the worst time in life. I know that Lynne’s family benefited from other support that Blythe House has to offer such as counselling services so we will continue to come together year on year and always do anything we can to raise money.

‘It’s hard to say what my favourite thing about taking part in the jog is…I think seeing so many Santa’s in one place has to be a highlight. I remember in 2020 when the jog was ‘reimagined’ because of Covid-19, we created our own route and we were running up St John’s Road and people were driving past tooting their car horns in response, and I remember actually having a little cry as a ran along because this meant so much. I think whilst I initially started my Jingle Bell Jog journey in memory of Poppop, it now carries a very different meaning and I’m really looking forward to Lynne’s Army coming together for the 3rd consecutive year. It’s nice to be around so many people who loved Lynne as much as we did and to share our fond memories of her together. She was a truly incredible person; a lovely wife, mum, sister and sister in law, friend, colleague…the list could just go on. So, I guess my favourite part of the jog now is celebrating our lovely bunch of loveliness – we’ve said this a few times over the last few years but we genuinely were better people for knowing and loving Lynne.

‘I will always champion any fundraising events that will benefit Blythe House and would encourage everyone to take part. You don’t have to be able to run – walking a 5k is absolutely doable so the event is inclusive and anyone can take part – there is even a shorter route for children under the age of 12. The route is wheelchair and pushchair friendly too and believe me there is no better feeling than crossing that finish line!’

Register to take part in the Jingle Bell Jog.

Would you be happy to share a few words and a photograph about why you’re taking part in this year’s Jingle Bell Jog? Perhaps you’re taking part to support the hospice as a family member or friend is being cared for by by the team here; maybe you’re doing it as a fitness challenge; you’re getting together with loved ones to kick start the Christmas festivities; or you’re doing it in memory of someone special. Whatever your reason, we’d love to hear from you! Please contact our communications team Rebecca and Poppie.

Brian, Edana’s partner of 30 years, was referred to Blythe House following his diagnosis in autumn 2021, with bowel, liver and lung cancer. A typically private and reserved man, Edana says she knew something was not right when Brian put off doing little jobs around the house – something he otherwise loved to do.

Then, one morning whilst having a hot drink in bed, Edana was totally stunned when she asked if Brian was OK, and he responded with ‘no, I don’t think I am.’

Edana, who lives in Hayfield, explained: ‘After we called the GP in August 2021, it all moved very quickly. Brian underwent numerous investigations including tests, MRI and CT scans at Stepping Hill Hospital, before he was told he had a tumour in his bowel, and that the cancer had spread to his liver and lungs. From there, he was referred to The Christie Hospital where he underwent a week of radiotherapy treatment followed by chemotherapy.

‘Brian was a very private person, and apart from the treatment to target the cancer, he refused all other help and support from medical professionals. He’d say “no, we’re OK; we can manage; we’re fine.” I of course respected his wishes.

‘After three months of chemotherapy treatment, Brian was told that it had not helped, so he was offered a different course of chemotherapy but unfortunately this did not work either. His doctor advised that there was no point going through more gruelling treatment if it was not working, so he prescribed chemotherapy tablets, but was very honest in saying he didn’t think they were going to do much.

‘Towards the end of June 2022, Brian became very poorly and I worried he had picked up an infection. I offered to call the doctor but Brian said no. In the end, I did have to ring because I was so worried about him. The doctor came and saw Brian, and said that if he didn’t go to hospital as soon as possible, he wouldn’t see the weekend! Brian was diagnosed with sepsis and pneumonia. Two weeks later, he came home but he was incredibly exhausted.

‘Following his stay in hospital, the nurse from our GP surgery came around to discuss different things, including completing a ReSPECT form, which would outline Brian’s preferences for care if and when he might not have been able to make decisions later.

‘After this, we first received a call from Blythe House and the kind woman on the phone chatted through all the care and support that the hospice offered. Again, Brian was adamant he didn’t need any extra help and so we politely declined, but at that point I felt so much better that contact had been made. Up until then I felt alone and that all Brian’s medical care and treatment was on my shoulders, but I felt so much better knowing that the hospice was there, and could help if we needed it.

‘Miriam and Angela from the hospice’s occupational therapy and physiotherapy team did call as a result of Brian being referred through the NHS occupational therapy service. They came to the house and arranged for a rail to be fitted in our bathroom so that Brian could still safely have a shower, as it involved climbing into the bath.

‘On the 20th September, Brian had an appointment at Arden House in New Mills to have his bloods taken, but he wasn’t fit to go; he could hardly walk, but he was adamant he wanted to be there. The nurse took one look at him and couldn’t believe he had made it into the surgery. They couldn’t take his bloods, but arranged for a doctor to visit us at home. There were several more unsuccessful attempts to retrieve a blood sample until our local district nurses were able to.

‘Tina Wild, advanced nurse practitioner at Sett Valley Medical Centre in New Mills, came to visit us to talk through everything. She referred Brian to the district nurses and asked them to order a hospital bed; they started to come around to care for Brian. Tina also put us back in touch with Blythe House; Louise Furmston, Community Engagement Lead Nurse, called us. Brian said, “we’re alright, we don’t need any support,” but I wasn’t; I could feel that I was draining trying to care for Brian on my own. Caring for someone you love who’s going through something so awful, it really is draining.

‘Louise referred us to the Hospice at Home service, so healthcare assistants (HCAs) started to come for an hour per day to give me time to have a rest, sit in the garden or go on a walk. The relief was overwhelming; I felt like I’d got back-up. It felt very strange at first; allowing strangers into our home, but over time it was like opening the door to a friend. Every single HCA was so lovely; they asked how I was and cared for me, as well as Brian.

‘In the room we’d moved Brian’s bed into, there was shelving displaying Brian’s Play Mobil train sets. The trains were a real conversation starter with the HCAs, as I could hear each one chatting and asking about them; this really helped Brian to open up to them and I could tell the difference in his voice; speaking to different people other than me, was doing him the world of good.

‘In October 2022 during one of her visits, Julie, one of the HCAs, recognised how poorly Brian was and asked how I was coping. She spoke to the office team and asked for visits to be stepped up, which they were to two hours per day, and some overnight sits too. It was so wonderful that the team was able to do this so quickly. I wasn’t so sure about the night visits at first, but the team reassured me and said “just give it a go.” Straight away, on the first visit, I felt at ease. I went to bed and was able to sleep soundly. I heard Brian cry out in the night but I knew Gary was there and I felt comforted. I had a really good sleep, and in the morning, I felt so well rested. It hit home then that I’d been doing this all day, and all night for so long.

‘On Monday 7th November, Brian was becoming very distressed and he was obviously frightened. I called the district nurse who came to check the medication in his syringe driver. I didn’t know if I was panicking but I knew I’d made the right decision. The district nurse kindly told me that Brian was really, very poorly.

‘Gary was with us overnight again and he was so good and caring. He told me to go and get in bed, and to have a rest. Gary woke me up at 4am to tell me that Brian’s breathing had changed, and so I was able to be with him at the end. I can’t speak highly enough of Gary’s care and support afterwards. He stayed with me and made a cup of tea whilst I sat with Brian. He kept checking to see if I was OK or if there was anything I’d like him to do.

‘Since Brian’s death I have accessed counselling and bereavement support at the hospice which I found very, very helpful.

‘All through Brian’s illness he didn’t want anyone to know, and he didn’t want any extra care and support. I of course respected his wishes as much as I could but my only regret is that I wish we’d had support from the hospice earlier. Everyone we met was fabulous; so kind, supportive and caring. Thank you doesn’t come close; I have no words for how grateful I am.’

Find out more about hospice services and how we could support you or your loved one.